Sales (or Revenue) kickoffs are for celebrating recent success, getting keen on the future and your teammates.

It’s an opportunity for revenue leadership to share their vision, build morale, and encourage you to sample new condiments from the Thai Taco Truck they contracted for lunches (it’s a mystery how they get that thing indoors).

My company “Comedy Writing for Revenue Teams” is expecting 2024 to be our breakout year. Our growth targets are almost as ambitious as our vacation desires.

As such, we need a LOT of motivation and even more Pad Thai Burritos (whole wheat, please)

Thankfully, we’re currently planning our 2024 sales kickoff (SKO).

It’s a lot of work. I’m not only events manager, but founder, Chief of Stuff…AND my own sales, marketing, sales enablement, social media, content creation, demand-gen, and drip-coffee-making teams.

So far, I’ve sourced possible locations, built an agenda, identified guest speakers, and most importantly – mapped out the menu for six meals (the Thai Taco Truck’s been booked so we’re bringing in Indian food from “Curry Up!”

While I’m unsure of how the kickoff will go, I have definitely set a new standard for SKO planning. Here are the details:

I’ve narrowed the location down to 3 possibilities: 1) The Austin Convention Center, 2) A Four Seasons in Hawaii, or 3) my kitchen table. The first 2 are ideal settings in destinations my team loves, but neither has Montreal bagels demanded by team members. Shipping them seems like an obscene waste of funds.

As for the agenda?

I’ll be delivering a motivational keynote entitled: “Hunger: Get it or Deal with It”. I need to ensure the whole team pays VERY close attention to this. I also recommend other self-employed coaches/trainers/consultants listen in on via webcast.

Speaking of hunger, we will alleviate it by ordering a sumptuous feast – and ensuring it lasts for 5 more meals. True “innovation” means cold Indian food for breakfast.

Esteemed guest & motivational speakers will be my parents. They don’t understand our business, yet seem to have extremely firm opinions on how it should be run.

My mother (who feels I should pivot to a career in medicine even though I struggled to pass 10th grade physics), is globally renowned for speaking on the topics of “Why I Know Best”, “Your Parachute Should Be the Colour I Tell You”, and “Clean This Place Up”.

With 56 years of expertise, my dad will be speaking on “Listening To Your Mother”.

Sales Kickoffs can’t be just product roadmaps, team-building, sales training and nagging parents. A fun time’s required to show that you care about the mental well-being of your team.

That said, our final blowout bash will depend on leftover budget after all of the above decisions are taken.  If we stay on budget, we can afford my nominal stand-up comedy fee. But, if we burn through our funds and can’t afford that, we can always hire Hootie and the Blowfish.

This will be a 2 day event. A third may ensue if the team isn’t adequately motivated, is weighed down by 2 straight days of Indian food, or if morale has been destroyed by either Hootie or The Blowfish.

This just in: Budget’s been approved. It’s not what we were expecting, but there is budget to hire someone to clean this place up and ensure Hootie and The Bkl.

Planning your org’s sales kickoff, revenue kickoff or meeting? Want some team-building, enablement, and real takeaways?

I’ve put together some fun, practical options for yours. Please feel free to pass this on to your leadership, or snag time on my calendar.  Drop me a note if you have questions.